In The Storm
Sanity unload to follow. You may be in opposition to my comments. My comments may provoke, although that is not my intent.
I've never felt so furious in my life. The majority of what I hear on social media/news is that what happened to George Floyd is a tipping point in history that demands "dialog" for change. I agree—dialog: A conversation between two persons (viewpoints). However, what is happening is a monologue that assaults my thoughts and challenges my character. I intentionally did not start my comment stating what happed to George Floyd was wrong; IT WAS, but to me, that acknowledgment is a weak qualifier in expressing what I am feeling. "George Floyd was murdered, but..." I am focusing on what happened after Mr. Floyd's murder. With 63 years of life complete, I am confronted with a monologue each day in my electronically fused world. I am racists because - I have "white privilege," I did not post a black square in my FB, Twitter, and Instagram accounts, I think all lives matter, I'm silent so therefore I'm complicit (quiet only while I try to digest all of this stuff), I do not support "BLM" (the organization) which by the way has two different connotations, the organization, and the inherent right (with which I agree). I've worked in public safety for 46 years. I know hundreds of professional, respected, fair, color-blind peacekeepers, abhorrent only towards scum who prey on the weak and hurt without conscious. A few bad cops, yes. Peer pressure on bad cops, oh yeah. I hear so many comments on blue protecting blue, but do you understand what that means, or are you repeating many of the assumptions spewed in the media. A dialog might help. Right?
So what has been happening in front of us the past few weeks? Peaceful protesting, rioting, looting, burning, shooting, injuring, disrespect, vulgar graffiti, threats, demands, killing, takeovers, funerals, memorial services, and capitulation to thugs. My wife lost a close friend a few weeks back and is heavyhearted because she is unable to properly pay her respects at a memorial service or funeral because of COVID restrictions. She sees multiple days of TV coverage for Mr. Floyd's memorials and funeral, sometimes for hours on every network. I'm not saying Mr. Floyd did not deserve his due remembrances, but in contrast, there has been little to no media coverage of others killed in the past few weeks. Maybe not martyrs but heroes for sure. Does someone's tragic death or murder matter more than others? Are we stoking, perhaps unintentionally, the fire of violence that leads to other's demise like we've seen these past few weeks? New mantras like "Defund Police," but what does that mean? I hear it repeatedly on TV but lacking explanation.
I enjoy watching cop and rescue shows, probably because I've spent most of my life in that world. Sit down to watch some TV and unwind to find my favorite shows canceled. My granddaughter loves Paw Patrol, and now that is canceled too. The police dog is too nice - WHAT! I also enjoy NASCAR, but now they allow kneeling for the flag, which I do not agree with (again, I'm a racist because of that conviction). I've always been a history buff and now see elements of our history torn down, defaced, burned. I consider the monuments of our history reminders of where we came from to where we are today to where we need to go. For me, the statues do not honor human beings' abominable ways but remind us, so we will not forget and repeat. I heard a commentary today where it was said, "we can tear down or rename, but it doesn't change our history, so what's the point." Gone With The Wind, gone in the wind!
I have a First Amendment right to free speech (thought and expression) but recently realized my free thinking is not so free. I base my core beliefs on a lifetime of experience and how I was raised. Today it's out the window, invalid, and unacceptable against the backdrop of a plethora of litmus tests applied to my life by some, not even a quarter of my age. Judged by others who have never sat in a patrol car, fire truck or ambulance, nor answered a 9-1-1 call, seen death by violence, daunted by threats, and mocked for a uniform or political standing. In other words, A MONOLOG!!
My wife knows too well how I feel about the current state of the world around us. Frustration, depression, disappointment are just some of the feelings I use to describe life right now. Please don't shame me without knowing me because that turns my listening off. I am okay with how I treat people and perhaps offended some along the way, but usually not intentionally. I'm not afraid to say SORRY. Is sorry no longer acceptable? Must I pay penance for guilt by association with a race, profession, economic status? I think if you review my social media, you will find I rarely engage in negative commentaries. I don't see much success communicating opinions in that way. I am open to a conversation about racism, and I'm sure I can do much better, so please let me know when the "dialog" starts, and I will come out of my self-imposed societal quarantine to participate. In the meantime, I'll part ways with social media to recapture some of my self-esteem and maybe watch reruns of a childhood favorite "Adam-12," at least until it too is canceled!
Cheers and Happy Trails to you,
gg
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